The Theater

Constructed by Billy Wilson and Catie O'Connor

This is the front of our theater.  As you can see, it is made entirely of chocolate.  The style is in late Renaissance/ early Baroque.  The centre pathway leads you to the theater itself, through the "Giant Hallway!"  The exit on the left leads to the parking garages, here people can validate their coaches, chariots, pig, rickshaws, jets, and long ships.  The path to the right takes you to the gift shop, here one can buy stage props, costumes, make-up, and actors from their favorite plays.  The clock on the top is set at 10:20, this was the time that the batteries ran out.  You see, people in the late Renaissance/ early Baroque were not that tall, and consequently cannot reach the clock.  A giraffe initially put the clock up there, but it ran away.  The shape of the theater is semicircular, we wanted to make it circular, but ran out of chocolate.  However, this worked out for the best, as we were planning on having the entire theater closed off and having people drop into it, but this way we can use a door, which we later found to be more practical.  Finally, the dead grass makes a nice touch, as it says "Look at me, I'm old and dry." Giving the theater, that old and dry look we were going for.

As you may have guessed, this is the "Giant Hallway!"  It was named after its founders; Cilly and BatieO, who combined their overly curly hair and discovered the hallway.  The "Giant Hallway!" is arched with several decorations of the superior brunette curly haired people adorning its sides.  In the middle of the "Giant Hallway!" is the biggest fluorescent light in the world, nicknamed "The Sun!"  "The Sun!" is turned off at night for evening plays.  At the end of the "Giant Hallway!" is our concession stand/bathroom.  This innovative creation fills your stomach while relieving your bowels, so theoretically you could be there forever! (and some people are!) All attendants at the concession stand/bathroom, or the "Concession Stand/Bathroom!" for short, are philosophers, because that's the only good job they could get after wasting their lives away in school.  The floor of the "Giant Hallway!" is decorated with alternating beige and white tiles for gigantic games of chess played with real people.

Past the "Giant Hallway!" lies the courtyard.  This was actually a painting stolen from another theater and moved to ours.  The picture takes up an entire wall, so it makes it look like it's another room.  On average 50 people a night walk into "the courtyard."  This may be due to the fact that we actually tell people that we have a courtyard.

This is the first stage in our theater, also named the "Room where the actors Act."  It was sculpted out of a single piece of marble barley the size of a human hand.  The floor is made out of cardboard, making it the only late Renaissance/early Baroque cardboard box.  The "sculpture," on the left of the picture was actually the sculptor of the stage, unfortunately he made the mistake of surveying his creation while the plaster was being poured.  He was left there as a reminder to watch out for plaster.  Some people say he is there to watch over his theater, but that's just stupid, I mean he's covered in plaster!  The wretched people who utter such ignorant nonsense are quickly thrown into "the courtyard."  The picture was taken from the VIP box seats reserved for brunette curly haired people.  These are the only seats in the "Room where actors Act," all other attendants must stand, on their hands, or it's the "the courtyard" for them!

This stage looks just like the first one, that's because it is, now moving on.....

This is our second stage room, or called "Room where the actors Act 2"  The ceiling is painted to look like the sky, that's because we couldn't afford to have the real sky, so an artificial one was made.  Surrounding the top of the room are various statues, they came with the room, so we don't really know who they are.  If anyone asks we just tell them that they are Greek gods because this theater was a tribute to the famous Greek plays.  The people are then thrown into "the courtyard."  The statues are a bit heavy and are not balanced well, so needless to say there have been a few accidents, I mean it should really be obvious, what idiot decided to put big heavy statues right above where people sit.  I must mention once again that they came with the room.  Whenever it happens, we just say it was a special effect, or that that particular god favored that play, or person he crushed.  The seats are in the back and the orchestra pit is below.  A small mistake was made and the seats are backward in the orchestra pit, but this isn't so bad, because the orchestra people, or "Orc dorks" like to watch the show too.

This is the smallest stage we have.  This picture is the exact size of the room.  It is found next to "the courtyard" and houses the longest plays of the night.  Ironically, this theater is named "The extra large Theater, where the actors Act" this is meant to trick people into thinking that it's a big room.  When people say that it is small we just say that they have gained weight, the people then quickly retract their statement and are thrown into "the courtyard," hence the convenient location.  Enough said of this stage.

This lovely building is our outhouse.  It has received much criticism of late seeing as how we already have bathrooms in the theater.  In addition to this, the outhouse is 10 miles away, and is really just a giant painting hung from a tree.  Shockingly, most guests who make the trip to relieve themselves aren't very happy upon arrival, but we figure that they are far enough away that they won't come back and fill out a negative comment card.  Had this been a real building though it would be nice, and it would have been designed in a late Renaissance/early Baroque style, like everything else.

Below is a sample of a play that is being shown tonight.  It is a conversation between Petrarch and Boccaccio, and unsurprisingly enough, is the worst play we have.  Please enjoy.  If you have any comments on the play, please fill them out in our conveniently located outhouse. A further discussion of the play will be held in "the courtyard" later on tonight.

Giovanni Boccaccio and Francesco Petrarch: On Love and Sex

P: Hundreds of poems aren’t enough to express my love, I must write more!  I must write thousands, so that future generations can waste their lives away learning from them.

B: I don’t know, with that amount of poems the people might not read them, but come to class and just throw in a couple witty remarks to make it seem like they did.  What are these poems on anyway? 

P:  My true love, Laura.  She is the only reason for living; she is the only one for me.  Do you not write on these topics as well?

B:  Love does nothing but cause pain to people and make men act like women.  It’s a pretty funny topic. 

P: You don’t understand!  How can you say this is funny?  You must have never been in love.  I would never think of considering my feelings for Laura to be a joke.

B:  You apparently would never think of acting on your feelings for her either. 

P:  Shows how much you know!  Not only is she married, but she’s dead! And I only met her once!  So there don’t you feel stupid.  As you can see, my feelings are perfectly normal. 

B:  You only met her once and you write hundreds of poems about her?  That’s the stupidest thing I have ever heard!

P: No, it’s not.  It’s romantic. 

B:  Romance?  That’s a funny word.  Romance is two-faced.  For instance, if Laura was attracted to you and you were rich and important, then it would be romantic.  But you aren’t, so it’s just pathetic.

P:  But I am important!  I’ve climbed mountains and kings have begged to be my friends. 

B:  If you are so great, Laura would be writing poems about you!  But apparently she would rather be dead than be with you. Besides, love just gets in the way of having sex.

P:  Sex is meaningless without love.  God makes one person for everyone and that is the only person you are ever supposed to have sex with. 

B:  All I know is that I’d rather be off having sex with the “wrong” person, than alone in my room writing poems to some dead girl.